7 and 21
7
That I could stand on the curb,
waiting on a cold Wednesday morning in the gray Boston haze
It means I built a world for myself I had always imagined
and what’s better, it’s yours: this city, this sprawling kingdom
On hot days, the earth smiled back at us when we danced
And made these streets sing like a symphony
A rigid cloud reminds me I’ve not much to mourn
This place once doomed me with sinful barren skies
But a fleeting lark crosses the horizon just to remind me
This gray beauty was strung for the two of us
You made the overcast sky a bounty I am grateful for
You made this love a warm passionate blue
You made me yours, and that made me everything
You made me yours, and that made me everything
21
Today, I see me.
These plump cheeks tell stories of friendship and acceptance
My arms brag to my younger self about being embraced by those we love
My calves are endlessly sore from dancing and bearing new roads
More and more each day, I appear closer to the person I think I am
A fading horizon, this vision is impossible to reach,
but that doesn’t mean the growth is futile
The chimera runs toward the setting sun for the beauty of the chase
Remembering harder days
Back when I was Ozempic skinny
Locked up in my Parks Belk and Tom Ford prison
And winter brought drought upon my poor cracked little hands and pale skin
When I felt beautiful in the bathroom light only after a night of cursed memories
And my hair cascaded down my neck, weaving in and out of the sunlight
I think about the rainwater sipped from black plastic
The little ants that soured my first care package from home
And the countless days laying there waiting on imaginary calls
I wrote endlessly about the words behind the walls
I never wished to be less myself but cursed providence for
the bricks around me
the train beneath me
and the people out the window
But today is my 21st birthday
On this day, my vice no longer makes me criminal
I’ll gyrate in the gay club as is my homecoming
I brought my passport since my license was expired
I never really felt like I belonged anywhere
The eyes will peer through hazy neon vision to lock on
Another dainty fumbling queen narrating the next gay national epic
The behemoth drag goddess at the front door will leave me enamored
Flustered enough to hit ‘25% tip’ paying cover on the iPad
Looks from idols just months my elder,
Though confused and dismissive,
They cleanse me of who I once feared I had to become
One day, they will inspire a new list of fears,
But today is my 21st birthday
And I fear not the unseen as I have never been more prepared to live.